It is a job fraught with peril, where around every corner there lingers a disquieting evil, intent on depriving you of your earthly vessel. There is something people don't quite understand about working in a restaurant. There are plenty of hazards to most any job. If you work in a grocery store, you may have to talk to someone stupid eventually. But for most hazards, it's usually very clear that you should stay away from them. For example, if you work with poisonous snakes, don't put your dick in one of the cages or jam a snake in your eye. It's just common sense. It's not like that in a restaurant. In a restaurant, you don't have the luxury of safety.
If it was my intention to release this article on my 50th birthday, I would go to the trouble of walking you through maybe a quarter of the hazards to working in a restaurant. But instead I will focus on the two most terrifying prospects you have to face while working in a restaurant. If you have an aversion to descriptions of carnage, you may want to avert your eyes now.